The shocking truth behind CWG...

Well, i am sorry to add up to the already gigantic pile of stories on Common Wealth Games 2010. But this one is much more than a story. It's a brilliant and thought provoking attempt to uncover the truth behind the mess called CWG. Is CWG a self inflicted wound? Yes, if you believe these conspiracy theories.

Conspiracy theory no. 1
According to this theory the CWG 2010 was deliberately made a mess by none other than our sports ministry. They planned it out from the start. Right from bribing the international officials and presenting lowest quotations for getting the CWG 2010 awarded to India; to ensuring that the preparations are slower than a 150 year old drunk snail. All was planned. Why, they had to. The objective is that of deep emotional and patriotic value. To ensure that Indian players win all the medals in the games and make us all proud! However, even after making dogs poop on athletes' beds and ensuring that most of the bridges are faulty and fall down just 10 days before the games, some athletes have started pouring in with no intention of going back. The ministry has convened a meeting to tackle with this unforeseen situation and hopes to at least land 50% of the medals for India.

Conspiracy theory 2.
Well, it could be a shock to most economics students and scholars but according to this theory all this was planned by the planning commission in consultation with the finance ministry. It makes simple economic sense. For the uninitiated, we get awarded the CWG 2010, our politicians and VIPs make a fortune out of substandard infra, poor execution and planning, bribes for contracts, etc. etc. Then where do they spend that money? In a shopping mall near their home, or on a new car, or may be a helicopter, fifth marriage of their 8th son and so on. Only this demand driven economy is something that can take us ahead of China. (And yes every politician & official involved had to sign an undertaking that they will not spend more than 5% of their booty outside India, and that too not in China, at any cost)

Conspiracy theory 3.
For those of you who are die-hard Rahul Gandhi fans, it's time to switch to theory no. 4. NOW! Yes you guessed it right, the whole planning (or the lack of it) was a crop that nurtured in the young MP's fertile mind. He, very cunningly planned and executed this, of course without coming into the limelight and using the PM and his cabinet to achieve his goals. (Yes Smt. Gandhi tutored rahul on this tactical approach). The aim was to create widespread employment for the population of India. It was also necessary to do this to ensure success of National Rural Employment Guarantee Act (NREGA). So, bridges were built at exorbitant labour fees and it was ensured that they fall in due course of time, to be rebuilt again, by the same laborers at double the fees. You could not imagine how much employment this has generated across various strata. Right from a labor who tills garden to the Swanky Babu who is the project head for the common wealth games 'village'. What an idea sirjee!

Conspiracy theory no. 4
All this was the vengeance motivated work of our bollywood superstars, who formed a consortium to ensure that the infra being built for the games is not upto international standards, and that Delhi does not become a global destination with pedicured lawns, hi-end transport system, superb infrastructure and brilliant locales. Imagine if this would have happened, all the producers would have wanted to shoot their next blockbusters in Delhi, giving places like Switzerland, Australia, New York, London a miss. That would be a huge loss to the celebrities who like these destinations and like to travel there to shoot. The locales add to the (non-existent) storyline and help gain eyeballs (apart from of course the micro-minis the actresses have to flaunt). And believe it or not the consortium was led by the two people whom no one ever can think to be united on something- Shah Rukh and Salman.

Conspiracy theory no. 5
And this one is just too easy to understand. It was the Indian media channels and newspapers behind the mess. why? Imagine who would have seen their channel if everything had worked on well. The careers of many journalists and editors was at stake. The modus operandi was simple. They used to go out in the night, get the labor to eat, drink and enjoy the camaraderie and report the next day that work was still not complete. Some even took things in their hand by cutting bridge wires, mixing sand in cement, importing dogs, and themselves defecating in the CWG accommodation.

HAPPY CWG to ALL
(This is a light hearted take on the CWG mess. To anybody hurt by whatever i have written, please note that i don't care a damn!!!)